Am I Doing Enough?

Am I doing enough? 

That's the question that kept me up one night. The question that had me checking my CV at some ungodly hour thinking maybe there's something I can add here.

At 20 years old, am I doing enough?

Maybe it's when I finally bit the bullet and signed up for LinkedIn a few months ago that got me into this mindset. LinkedIn: the manifestation of the competitive and comparative culture that has been engrained into my mind since the start of my public (yes- public, not private) high school.

Want to know what sort of professional experience your closest friends, or most distant acquaintances have? LinkedIn is your place. You can browse the resumes of millions on one website, and see how many "connections" they have. It's social media stalking to the extreme. But instead of comparing boyfriends and family vacations, you're measuring yourself up to see who's really "ahead" in the game.

Suddenly, having a little blog where I write about my weekly happenings doesn't seem so impressive. In fact, I've heard from some that it can count against you in a job interview. My "special skills?" Well, I can use Microsoft Word as well as any other average Joe so writing that out on a resume seems redundant. I use Twitter too, like most any other millennial. But you won't see thousands of retweets on mine.

And with all the time I spend involving myself in societies, what's really going to "look good" to employers, as they say? Certainly not running club, nor choir, nor reeling.

And so I add and subtract and multiply the factors which will eventually equal some form of employment. The type of employment that will hopefully impress my friends, family-members, and long-forgotten classmates. But it doesn't seem to add up.

The sugar-coated saying of "do what you love and it will all work out!" does not seem to align with a world that values a status-driven version of success more than anything else. But even though it's been drilled into my head that I need to bulk-out my CV to reach that point, I can't bear to subscribe to this dismal request. That everything I do is for a piece of paper that an employer can take or leave. Because I would rather do the things I do for the sake of loving them.

And that's not to say I'm the kind of person who has the means to throw caution to the wind and not do anything to further my career. I'm far too practical (and financially unstable) to pack up and leave to "find myself" in a far away land because I refuse to give into this crazy notion of "adult life."

But for what it's worth, I think it's far too much to ask of a 20 year old to have the work experience expected of a 30 year old just a generation before. It's a competitive world- I know it, I've lived it- but at this point I think we're making it too competitive for ourselves. In which case, we are our own worst enemies- raising the expectations by offering more and more of ourselves until there's nothing left to give.

And while I know that graduation is looming (in two years- but it might as well be next week the way my classmates and professors talk about it), I know that I will be fine. Of course, I can always do more. But am I doing enough?

Well, I guess that's up to me to decide.