Why I Stopped Blogging

Oh, hello. It's been a while.

And writing this right now is really scary. Because for a while I was totally convinced that this chapter of my life was closed. That after four years of blogging, this was it.

So I stopped and reflected. Why had I stopped blogging? And, perhaps more importantly, why did I start blogging in the first place? And I thought that maybe I owed you all (that is, the handful of people who probably read here) an explanation.

I got too busy

This is the easy answer. A cop-out, if you will. I started graduate school at the University of Oxford this past October, and since then it's really been head-down, nose-in-the-books busy. Having a 1,500 word essay to write (for just one of my classes!) every single week isn't exactly conducive to motivating myself to write even more in my "spare time" (what's that?) 

Every time I even thought about writing a blog post (and believe me, I've had a few ideas), I felt guilty. There's the perpetual guilt that you feel as a student (and especially as a grad student) that if you're not working on your studies, you're being completely and utterly lazy. Plus, I thought that if I was going to spend some time away from essays and the like, I'd rather it be mindless. You know, like watching Netflix and all that. And weekends? Well, I work incredibly hard during the weekdays so that I can take my weekends completely off. I know that this isn't the case for most students, but it's my own choice. And it works well for me. Except for that it never really leaves me all that much time to blog.

But I know that I'm really just using this as an excuse. I truly believe that you can make time for anything if you're really that passionate about it. Which brings me to my next point...

I lost my passion for writing 

This is a tough one to admit, but it's true. Even when I had an idea for a blog post, I just couldn't bring myself to put pen to paper. It's crazy to think that in the time in my life that is perhaps the most exciting and strange and confusing and wonderful time I've ever experienced I had absolutely no motivation to document it. To share what was going on with my friends, my family, and my virtual blogging pals. Going to Oxford is really something special. And it's something that I truly want to share. But sadly, I was the only thing in my way. There was no other way of getting around this absence of passion but to give it time. And so I did, and here I am now. But I wouldn't say the fire has totally returned for me. And here's why...

I became frustrated with the "industry"

And I absolutely hate using the word "industry" because it characterises all that I see is wrong with the blogging, social media, and "influencing" these days. No longer do people record their daily lives through blogs. In fact, most bloggers have shifted their focus to Instagram and Youtube because word on the street is, nobody reads blogs anymore and other platforms are far more profitable. And that's exactly the problem. Blogs (and the accompanying social media that is used to promote it) were once a place of authenticity, not profitability. People used to write- I mean really write. Not produce long-winded instagram captions with flowery language and superfluous emojis. But these are the people that are popular and, perhaps most importantly, making money. Blogging seems almost pointless now that people can gain popularity solely through posting photos.  

The very foundation of blogging- writing- is something that is slowly disappearing in this world where we value curated photos that present an aspirational life. Writing is an incredible skill that should be celebrated, praised, and rewarded. And the trend toward influencing and away from blogging feels like a huge slap in the face to those of us who spend our time mastering this skill. I see bloggers (or talented writers, shall I say) out there working hard and writing some fantastic pieces that are interesting, relatable, and some that could even change the world. But they don't get the same opportunities or audiences that people who pose for pictures in pretty outfits do.

And while my frustration has kept me away from blogging for some time, I'm determined to let this frustration drive me forward. To write the blog that I  want to read. To keep blogging and writing alive for as long as I can. And to write things that matter. If you know me, you know that those are the pieces that I'm the most proud of. 

And so I'm remembering why I started the blog in the first place. I was an 18 year old about to embark on an incredible journey. The one that would single-handedly change my life, and the way I see the world, forever. I wrote about my struggles, my social life, and my proudest achievements. I shared advice about moving abroad and was honest about the lessons I learned along the way. I never shied away from being opinionated and I was critical of the world around me.

I desperately don't want to lose this thing that has been a part of me for so long. It may not be perfect, and it certainly is not the most popular, but it's mine. And that's exactly how I want it to be.